Categories
Christmas Holidays Humour Poetry

A little something from Father Christmas sr.

It was a few days before Santa Claus was about to do his deliveries

And the elves were busy in their workshop

When a little elf ran up to the big man and handed him a letter

“Dear klaus,” it read…

“Nice to see you and yours doing so well in your work,

Was wondering what you would like for Christmas this year…

Your mums making a ham for lunch…if you and yours would like to come

I’ve got something nice for the reindeer too

Drop me a line when you think you’ll get here

Seasons greetings and All the best

DAD”


Categories
Acrostic Humour Poetry

Noise

Noise

Salford, 15th March 2018

 

Noted academics, would call it a break in the silence

Owls wake at the sound of the shrill

Interested passers by, wonder where the wailing is coming from

Songs sung in the shower – screeching through the air

Exceptional harmonious melodies ? hardly!

Categories
Acrostic Humour Poetry

Chuckle

Chuckle

Comedy Greats

Have always raised a smile with me

Up the golden stairwell to the pearly gates – they’re

Creating a great wall of laughter

Kids of all ages are

Laughing out loud to

Each single comic – from Cooper to Milligan

Categories
Acrostic Health Humour Insects Poetry

Sting

Sting

Salford, 17th September 2017

Someone should have

Told the sun worshipper to not go near that hive

Instead they went on a honey hunt – and met some angry bees

Note – they were whisked straight off to First aid –

“Got to tell you” – said the nurse – this is going to hurt…..

Categories
Animals Humour Industrial Places Transport Travel

Metrolink Stowaway

Eccles to Manchester, 5th September 2017

Metropop

Manchester – here is a public announcement

Even the local birds

Think their dinner is taking a liberty , as it

Rides along the tracks without a pass, for now

On system lines from Salford to Ashton, and Bury to Altrincham

Like old Mancunian cotton weavers, they leave

Interesting little webs like they’re decorating the tram

Note the way though – they stay still on their threads when spotted

Kings of the carriage, till the arrival of a cleaner.

Categories
Character Humour Places Poetry Tale

Message in a bottle – 2

Salford, 21st July 2017

Remember that piece I wrote about the message washed up in a bottle ?  I’ve given it a little thought and wrote what might have been on that rolled up paper!

Messageinbottle

 

Sat, as I am
on this deserted isle

I’m sending this message
to make someone smile

Being stuck on this island
isn’t much fun

even though theres blue skies
and lots of sun

so I’ve drawn you a map
and hope you might see

to send out a crew
to rescue me!

Categories
BBC Humour Photography Places Poetry

The day I bumped into a dalek

dalekdrawing

Salford Quays Lightwaves Festival December 2016

The day I bumped into a Dalek,

it was frosty by the quays

there was ice on th war museum airshard

but they weren’t the ones screaming freeze

They were meant to be playing games with th’cybermen

in the round place by the street

but the silver soldiers never showed up

they thought they would be beat

So instead they played some air hockey

with the kids and security guards too

and the Daleks found fame – taking part in the game

and drawing the match 2 by 2

And that night – they were friendly old fellows

as the locals they gave them a cheer

as the Daleks they played, and people weren’t afraid

as they found they had nothing to fear.

Categories
Colours Food Humour Poetry

Neon carrot 🥕

#coloryourworld #neoncarrot #cyw

The latest batch of carrots 🥕

in farmer 👨‍🌾 Giles field

are the brightest vegetables to be seen

and not easily concealed

for these orange carrots 🥕 are so bright

their tops can be seen in the field at night

he said he got the carrot seed

from a friend from out of town

(who really was from planet 🌎 x

and heading homeward bound)

but whilst the carrots grew on field

at night they were to wildlife revealed

so rabbits 🐰 mice 🐭 and hares all

in farmer Giles field are having a ball…

with the gigantic bright carrots Giles is selling for cash

in cakes, soups and salads and even as mash!

Categories
Animals Christmas Humour Poetry Tradition

Darn that table!

Uneven

The kitchen fairy has been at it again

pinching a footpad or two from the kitchen table

you notice their action

as little veg strive to become escape-peas

The family pooch is drooling

as table slips and slides

and silver surfaced platters

around the table ride

Turkey ready for serving

in oven it awaits

as peas, parsnips and carrots

roll about on the plate

But light hits our family chef

and gets him off the hook

sliding underneath the feet

a perfectly weighted cookbook

So table will be fixed for pud,

with a couple of little pads of wood

and pooch for now will have to enjoy his ball

and not the turkey that was saved from a fall.

Categories
Animals Birds Canalside Fun Humour Pleasures Poetry

Afloat

After Salford University’s hugging students: More weird world records broken by Brits

Salford 6th January 2017

In response to the daily post prompt Float

A tale of a Rubber Duck Race down the River Irwell in Salford, Lancashire.

There was pandemonium

at the rubber duck factory

as ten thousand streetwise ducks

waddled out of the city

They moved down the irwell

passing the boats

avoiding the locks

and staying afloat

Cows in the cowshed , watched somewhat bemused

and captains of small boats looked somewhat confused

as geese and their brethren all went amuck

following the trail of a little yellow duck

Led by their leaders, of United Red and City blue

passing under bridges and past an audience too

divided in a moment, by a Liverpool ferry

but meeting in middle – and still keeping merry

In the end after journey , down canal they all flocked

meeting at gateway at Mode Wheel Lock

and first one in net, out of water they rised

and their owner received, a very special prize.